Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
