I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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