Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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