there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
