She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
