Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
