the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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