Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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