Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
