i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
