you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
