I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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