you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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