There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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