I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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