don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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