shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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