I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
