If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
