HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
