shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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