i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Let's get the cat blown out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
