i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i think my cat just said my name.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
