I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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