When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
