I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
