tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
