I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
