I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
