I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
