Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
