she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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