Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
