When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
