Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
