You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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