Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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