he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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