it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Less talking, more tequila
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
