Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
