Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
