You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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