On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
