i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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