she was so not down for the gang bang
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
