Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
