What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
