I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
