I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
