DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
