So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
