people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I touched a dick in church today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
