somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
